![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vannesh put up a very interesting post about Second Life relationships, why so many of them burn out so extravagantly and quickly, and who really is in love with whom anyway.She poses one problem that I think I can address: "In SL it seems to be quite different," she says, meaning different from First Life. "We meet a person, talk for an hour, end up on a sexbed in various animated poses together, pledge love, and then watch it all fall apart within a week or so."
Well, the solution to this is right inside the problem. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting someone, talking for an hour, and jumping into virtual bed with them, but if you then profess undying love, you're setting yourself up. Just the same as in First Life: it's fine to meet someone at a party or an event, go home with them, and divert one another with pleasures of the flesh for an evening, but don't expect to wake up with a life partner. Creating a relationship that's going to last means getting to know people and only settling down with someone whose habits and beliefs and wants and needs fit with yours.
It does seem to me that a lot of people come into Second Life craving love and attention (all of us crave some amount of love and attention, after all, don't we?) and because they may feel that Second Life is not real when they first arrive, they may think at first that having a relationship is as easy as declaring one. Only after some surprises (especially the surprise that they care as much as they do!) do they begin to feel that relationships might need to be approached with more caution.
Another subject Vannesh brought up, and a trickier one, is the question of who's doing the loving and who's being loved in Second Life love affairs. If our avatars have their own existence (a belief that
sophrosyne_sl champions), then how do we tell whether it's the avatar or the First Life person who's falling in love, and is that person falling in love with the other avatar, or with the other person?This question stumped me for a little while, until I thought of a test. If you have a Second Life lover, you could ask yourself this: would you still be in love with that person if they were in a quite different avatar and were showing some different parts of their First Life personality? If so, you love the First Life person and not the avatar. If not, you love the avatar.
And would you still feel the same way about that person or avatar if you were in a different avatar, favoring different parts of your own personality? If so, it's you the human being who loves the other. If not, it's you the avatar.
Well, but Vannesh points out that it's probably not quite that cut and dried. Do read her post! She has a lot of interesting things to say. :)
^^^\ Kate /^^^
P.S. I'll be away for about a week, so sorry in advance that I probably won't be able to post for that time. :)
Profile
- kateamdahl
- Kate Amdahl
Page Summary
- (Anonymous) : Relationships in SL [+0]
- (Anonymous) : Relationships in SL [+0]
- sophrosyne_sl : (no subject) [+0]
- zippora_zabelin : (no subject) [+0]
- vannesh : (no subject) [+1]
- nox_pinion : (no subject) [+0]
Designed by chasethestars
chasethestars
Comments
There is a breathing being beyond the keyboard, and hearts, real hearts have been broken.
I have been woefully unsuccessful in being other than who I am. I say woefully, because there are qualities I would have left behind.
No matter where you; there you are !!!
Love you for thinking about this stuff.
Still SLelibate.
There is a breathing being beyond the keyboard, and hearts, real hearts have been broken.
I have been woefully unsuccessful in being other than who I am. I say woefully, because there are qualities I would have left behind.
No matter where you; there you are !!!
Love you for thinking about this stuff.
Still SLelibate.
DrFran
I think, for a quick & dirty generalization, you got it pretty good :)
But even though it are the humans being in love, I think the relationship is definitely different than in firstlife. It took some time to evolve, like in first life (and no we did not end up in bed on our first night :P), but you don't have the responsabilities and firstlife worries about job, money, etc. In my case it also makes a difference that we both are married in our first life. I can imagine that a secondlife relationship becomes much more realistic when you are single in first life and consider the humans to meet.
I agree with you that expectation is part of the problem...jumping into the virtual sack with someone for some carnal delight should be just that: a fun time. Unfortunately, like any other human response, it's also easy to let emotion take over, and not see the said hay-roll as just a "fun time," but a precursor to a lasting relationship.
That made me think of one of my fave movies, "Four Weddings and a Funeral," where at the beginning, after Andie McDowell and Hugh Grant have their first sexual encounter, while she's getting ready to leave she says "so when do we have the wedding?" This of course sent Hugh Grant's character off in a tizzy, and she relents. I wonder if the character was supposed to be either sincere in her request, or playing the "clingy" woman to throw him off.....
The second part of your post has me thinking. I have trouble with the "dual personality" idea. I don't see myself as "two" people -- one animating my flesh and blood body, and the other animating my SL avatar. I'm a person, and what I project into SL is pretty much exactly what my FL friends and family see as far as behaviors (Vannesh is just a lot cuter than the RL me, and doesn't need to diet...and if I could just have her perfect hair and makeup without trying. :P ).
I have some ideas to kick around, and I'll post to my own blog. Thanks for the comment and leading me to your great blog! :)
Vanni
Edited at 2007-11-08 03:44 pm (UTC)
Thanks for commenting. :) I completely glossed over the question of whether we're really multiple people or not, since I've already talked that subject to death, but I feel much like you do, Vanni, and like Zippora, in that my avi is just me in a different body. I could imagine letting different facets of my personality shine through in different avis if I had to, for instance if I were doing business in Second Life and had a separate alt for that (although I don't), in which case whenever I was in that avi, I'd be toning down my playful and informal side and putting on my business hat (hmm, note to self: need more hats). But as far as I'm concerned, it's all me, and I'm not interested in myself going in to roleplay an identity.
But of course Soph has an entirely different approach, and I know other people have still different ones. :)
^^^\ Kate /^^^
Who I am in SL is my FL personality...of course, not all moods and situations have a SL counterpart, so, no, you won't experience me working my temp job, talking baby talk to my cats, fighting with my ex-husband, picking my nose, or eating ice cream for dinner. If these were present in SL, though, I'd still do them ;)